Friday, 29 November 2013

TEN OBSTRUCTION OF HAPPINESS

I came across this Ten obstructions-of-happiness initially highlighted by S.H Chang.
Ironically, I wasn't more agreeing to all of them at first, till life experiences started presenting them in different scenarios of my day-to-day dealings. They practically taught me that in pursuit of happiness; boundless by age, sex, culture, or demographic, some people seem to be happy for no apparent reason. While for others, being happy is an ongoing battle.

"It can take a whole series of books to explain the dynamic of true happiness, but we all love simplicity. There’s one thing that all happy people have in common: The Ability to Let Go," Chang specified.

Here are the top 10 things (counting down) you need to Let Go of to be happier for the rest of your life - come the new year.

10. This may be a bit impossible to accept, but we have to Let Go of the Need to Be Comfortable. You can’t enrich your life by being comfortable all the time. Change is the new ‘norm’. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Growth and liberation only happens outside of the Comfort Zone. Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are, for what you could become.

9. Let Go of Excuses. Excuses lead you away from your true heart’s desires. Excuses are like walls between you and your dreams. Your mind has the power to justify every decision you make. After all, your excuses have to be good in order to convince you of them, right? You’re not the victim, You Are The Creator. The question is, can you accept that responsibility?

8. Let Go of the Need for Control. Needing control and the need to be right is a surefire way to unhappiness. Control is an illusion that comes from expectation. And being right may bring you satisfaction, but ultimately you’re pursuing happiness through the disempowerment of others. It’s feeding your ego not your happiness, so it won’t bring a sense of true fulfillment. Unfortunately, many people would rather be right than be happy. (They usually turn into grumpy people). Take the higher road and let go of your power trip. Conquering people gives you power, but conquering yourself is the way. You, and those around you, will be a lot happier in the end.

7. Let Go of the Need for Approval. Needing validation from others is a sign of insecurity. Although it may feel good to have validation and approval from others, it’s external. So if you don’t get it, you’re not happy. When you need constant approval to make you happy, you’ll always be empty inside. Don’t change for the approval of other people. Be authentic and true to yourself and the right people will love you. Additionally, you don't have to apologise for being honest - It pays.

6. Let Go of Blame. We give up our ability to grow when we blame others. It disenables us by putting our happiness in the hands of other people. Don’t blame anyone in life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience, the worst people give you lessons, and the best people give you inspiration. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful ways to liberate yourself from emotional slavery. The best part of forgiveness is that we free ourselves and make space to be happy.

5. Let Go of Unsupportive Beliefs. The greatest trick the enemy ever played was to make people think he didn’t exist. Self-deception is like that. We may not be aware of the enemy inside. That enemy is limiting and unsupportive beliefs. Realize the real lies. Your perception is the framework of what your beliefs are built on. Meaning, what you believe to be truth or fact is based on perception and can be changed. And the nicest way to change our old believes is to supplant it with the word of God.

4. Let Go of Negative Self-Talk. This practice alone has the power to change your entire life. Did you know you talk to yourself about 60,000 times a day? The most shocking thing is that up to 80% of most people’s self-talk is negative! So don’t believe everything you think. Consider your brain as a computer. What kind of computer would you have if most of the programming was wrong?! If you had a friend who spoke to you like you speak to yourself, would you want that person to be your friend? Managing your inner voice is a must for your happiness.

3. Let Go of Attachment. Attachment brings expectation. And unmet expectations leads to resentment, moving us further away from happiness. It’s not to say that you don’t care. It’s that you don’t interfere. Detachment comes from the point of view of abundance. Attachment comes from the point of view of neediness, which pushes it away. Therefore, it puts happiness outside of yourself and becomes conditional. Whether you’re attached to conditions of a certain outcome, person, place, or thing – attachment is disempowering and cannot bring you happiness. Remember, experience is what we get when we don’t get what we wanted.

2. Let Go of Fear. Fear is nothing more than False Emotions Appearing Real. Yet, it’s still debilitating and impairs judgement, blocking us from our dreams. It’s an illusion and your mind is both the magician and the audience. Remember – your faith, passion and belief is the fuel that will overcome fear. You’ll find your happiness on the other side, and you’ll grow stronger from it.

1. Let Go of the Past. The number one thing happy people have in common is that they live in the present moment. Don’t judge yourself from your past – you don’t live there anymore! You can’t move on to the next chapter in your life if you keep re-reading the last one. The past is history, the future is a mystery and the Now is a gift – that’s why it’s called the Present.

It takes strength to hold on, but sometimes it takes even more strength to Let Go. Just like people know what you eat effects your health. But stress, unhappiness and built up negative emotions are the most toxic.
Remember, happiness is an inside job. We can never achieve true happiness if we rely on conditions or external factors. Let's use these hand-full to help manage our state of happiness from moment-to-moment and day-to-day, and 2013 will reach us all, apparently in the most beneficial way. After all, "there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.”

Friday, 28 December 2012

Top 10 Things You Need To Let Go of to Be 'Happy

I came across this Ten obstructions-of-happiness initially highlighted by S.H Chang.
Ironically, I wasn't more agreeing to all of them at first, till life experiences started presenting them in different scenarios of my day-to-day dealings. They practically taught me that in pursuit of happiness; boundless by age, sex, culture, or demographic, some people seem to be happy for no apparent reason. While for others, being happy is an ongoing battle.

"It can take a whole series of books to explain the dynamic of true happiness, but we all love simplicity. There’s one thing that all happy people have in common: The Ability to Let Go," Chang specified.

Here are the top 10 things (counting down) you need to Let Go of to be happier for the rest of your life - come the new year.

10. This may be a bit impossible to accept, but we have to Let Go of the Need to Be Comfortable. You can’t enrich your life by being comfortable all the time. Change is the new ‘norm’. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Growth and liberation only happens outside of the Comfort Zone. Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are, for what you could become.

9. Let Go of Excuses. Excuses lead you away from your true heart’s desires. Excuses are like walls between you and your dreams. Your mind has the power to justify every decision you make. After all, your excuses have to be good in order to convince you of them, right? You’re not the victim, You Are The Creator. The question is, can you accept that responsibility?

8. Let Go of the Need for Control. Needing control and the need to be right is a surefire way to unhappiness. Control is an illusion that comes from expectation. And being right may bring you satisfaction, but ultimately you’re pursuing happiness through the disempowerment of others. It’s feeding your ego not your happiness, so it won’t bring a sense of true fulfillment. Unfortunately, many people would rather be right than be happy. (They usually turn into grumpy people). Take the higher road and let go of your power trip. Conquering people gives you power, but conquering yourself is the way. You, and those around you, will be a lot happier in the end.

7. Let Go of the Need for Approval. Needing validation from others is a sign of insecurity. Although it may feel good to have validation and approval from others, it’s external. So if you don’t get it, you’re not happy. When you need constant approval to make you happy, you’ll always be empty inside. Don’t change for the approval of other people. Be authentic and true to yourself and the right people will love you. Additionally, you don't have to apologise for being honest - It pays.

6. Let Go of Blame. We give up our ability to grow when we blame others. It dis-enables us by putting our happiness in the hands of other people. Don’t blame anyone in life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience, the worst people give you lessons, and the best people give you inspiration. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful ways to liberate yourself from emotional slavery. The best part of forgiveness is that we free ourselves and make space to be happy.

5. Let Go of Unsupportive Beliefs. The greatest trick the enemy ever played was to make people think he didn’t exist. Self-deception is like that. We may not be aware of the enemy inside. That enemy is limiting and unsupportive beliefs. Realize the real lies. Your perception is the framework of what your beliefs are built on. Meaning, what you believe to be truth or fact is based on perception and can be changed. And the nicest way to change our old believes is to supplant it with the word of God.

4. Let Go of Negative Self-Talk. This practice alone has the power to change your entire life. Did you know you talk to yourself about 60,000 times a day? The most shocking thing is that up to 80% of most people’s self-talk is negative! So don’t believe everything you think. Consider your brain as a computer. What kind of computer would you have if most of the programming was wrong?! If you had a friend who spoke to you like you speak to yourself, would you want that person to be your friend? Managing your inner voice is a must for your happiness.

3. Let Go of Attachment. Attachment brings expectation. And unmet expectations leads to resentment, moving us further away from happiness. It’s not to say that you don’t care. It’s that you don’t interfere. Detachment comes from the point of view of abundance. Attachment comes from the point of view of neediness, which pushes it away. Therefore, it puts happiness outside of yourself and becomes conditional. Whether you’re attached to conditions of a certain outcome, person, place, or thing – attachment is disempowering and cannot bring you happiness. Remember, experience is what we get when we don’t get what we wanted.

2. Let Go of Fear. Fear is nothing more than False Emotions Appearing Real. Yet, it’s still debilitating and impairs judgement, blocking us from our dreams. It’s an illusion and your mind is both the magician and the audience. Remember – your faith, passion and belief is the fuel that will overcome fear. You’ll find your happiness on the other side, and you’ll grow stronger from it.

1. Let Go of the Past. The number one thing happy people have in common is that they live in the present moment. Don’t judge yourself from your past – you don’t live there anymore! You can’t move on to the next chapter in your life if you keep re-reading the last one. The past is history, the future is a mystery and the Now is a gift – that’s why it’s called the Present.

It takes strength to hold on, but sometimes it takes even more strength to Let Go. Just like people know what you eat effects your health. But stress, unhappiness and built up negative emotions are the most toxic.
Remember, happiness is an inside job. We can never achieve true happiness if we rely on conditions or external factors. Let's use these handfull to help manage our state of happiness from moment-to-moment and day-to-day, and 2013 will reach us all, apparently in the most beneficial way. After all, "there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.”

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

MY PREOCCUPIED BIRTH-MONTH ANXIETY. By Donald Ekwegba

The saying " Brevity is the soul of wit", may be  the fitting phrase that captures the whole of this piece, especially in a time where you are immersed by a lot of targets. And for one, in your order of priority all of it are ear-marked to be met within a short frame of time. It's simple for me to say that it was the situation I got trapped in. I began this month in full-handed backlog of tasks with very high expectations. Again, as my birth month as well, it also framed my brace, that every passing day made me very uncomfortable, as I longed impatiently for 25th May, like I was going to collapse it into a treasure chest when it comes, never to let it go bye. Amid the demands; clients' or self-imposed, it was a consciousness I guarded jealously. And because it's only once in a year.


In effect, let me leave my retrospect tales of my birthday as it went as anticipated, and remind you that it is a deliberate effort to meet goals when you set them. Strive to make them worth the while. Inclusive, is to often remember that reasoning, logic, and decision-making are all part of the conscious mind's function. Every decision you make, from as little as what to wear, what to eat, to when you should go to bed, you utilise your conscious mind, which this usage represents just 10% of what your brain is capable of.


Let me pen my ending last lines, not discarding the memories of yesterday being the Democracy Day of the country of my birth. Nonetheless, I am clearly running out of time, that I can't afford to loose sight on the promises of our future, and start doing a rehash on what must have dealt us heavy disappointments or pumped our adrenaline to be achievers.
As this words may have come in bits, I only hope you let 90% of your mind abilities count for many. Hence, never allow brevity in any manner make you aim for less.

Thursday, 26 April 2012

THE LAST THOUGHTS OF AN UNFULFILLED LIFE - Donald Ekwegba (fwd)

A piece that leaves you with a resolve is the typical of this one - while asking yourself some soul-searching questions so as not to get caught up in the same compunction.                             
So I began to follow keenly Bronnie's memoir of her own life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for.
'For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.'

'People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.'

'When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again.'

Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

'This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.'

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

'This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.'

By having an easy lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

'Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.'

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

'Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the attention and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.'

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching last minutes, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks - love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

'This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The supposed "comfort" of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their lives again.'

I heaved a loud sigh upon finishing this. It had done on me that when we are in our final hours we may not have all the satisfaction of a life well lead, if we don't note this regrets and avoid making them. As a matter-of-fact what others think of us is a long way from our minds. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before we are no more.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness

Based on this article, Bronnie has now released a full length book titled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

HOW WE CAN SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT by Donald Ekwegba

The going Green concept has been a matter of serious discuss, but of seldom implementation in this 21st century, whilst new findings are been churned out to assist a more sustainable impact on the global community. Sighting the extent it can assist our well-being is what makes it imperative for me to rundown the 10 hows of making the world better than we found it.
1. Recycle: Set aside a separate container in your home/office for recyclable waste like, glass, metal, plastic, and paper. In doing this, you're not only stopping the clogging of the waterways with these recyclables that cause flooding in the environment, but you also indirectly create viable means of reducing product manufacturing cost. The benefits are ample to contain.
2. Reduce fossil fuel consumption: Instead of burning coal or wood, use biogas concerted from the methane produced by either livestocks manure or weeds such as hyacinth. I.e. Roughly 75% of human-made carbon dioxide emission were produced by fossil fuel burning; over two decades ago.
3. Make the switch: Compact Fluorescent Lamps use 75 per cent energy and last ten times longer than Incandescent Light Bulbs. The poor state of power supply and the amount we spend on fuel makes it only wise to use CFL's(white lights) not ILB's(yellow lights).
4. Do more of filtered water over bottled water: In the case of not having access to a clean water source, choose to filter water instead of drinking the bottled. In filtering water, you drop the cholera tendencies by 99%.
5. Turn down the air-conditioner: In developing countries according to experts the use of air-conditioners increase 20 - 30 per cent annually and the related chemical emitted which is called hydrochlorofluorocarbons keeps stalling the ozone layers that protects the planet from harmful solar rays. Rather, it is advisable to use more fans and less A.C. and if you can't do without A.C. inquire instead for the ozone friendly ones.
6. Support food recovery: Roughly a third of all food produced for human consumption every year - approximately 1.3 billion tons - get lost or wasted. Typically, in West Africa alone, farmers use solar dryer to save the 100,000 mango that would otherwise go to waste annually.
7. Buy local indigenous crops: Modern agriculture focus mostly on crops such as Rice, corn, soy, and wheat. In spite of that, indigenous and traditional crops are often harder and more resistant to pest and disease. Expert advice we find out what foods are indigenous to our area and their source, and also we can suggest to our food vendors to carry from there.
8. Plant a tree: Worldwide over decade now, we have lost 13 million acres of forest each year. Brazil comes fourth as the largest emitter of carbon dioxide not because of industries or automobiles, but because of deforestation. In addition to environmental benefits, plant a tree or two at home. It will provide shade and keep your home cooler - plant a nut or citrus tree and enjoy the fruits.
9. Plant a Garden: Farmers given to the current population growth have to figure out how to feed 80 million more people every year. Therefore, raising more of our own food helps ease this burden and reduce household costs - plus the garden surplus can be sold to generate income.
10. Consume meat that is raised right... And eat less of it: Livestock is raised on a third of the earth's land, accounting for approximately 18% of all human-caused greenhouse emissions.

I bet its been a full information. Nevertheless, it can only be ineffectual to creating a sound and healthier environment for us if its passed as another of the many Expert findings we've swept away as unnecessary.
Let our resolve be to start this second quarter in the light of these.   


(Research by Worldwatch Institute's Nourishing the Planet project)

Monday, 27 February 2012

THE BODERLINE BETWEEN JOB SECURITY AND PROVIDENCE By Donald EKwegba



 In Robert T. Kiyosaki’s Rich Dad; Poor Dad, I must confess, his thoughts on how the world keep changing and advices doesn’t is an opinion well shared, but as many as we are that welcome this one believe still gets caught up in our preconceived ideologies when it comes to facing the truth. And for the other crowd, they clearly conform to the old way of thinking; always more than willing to stamp their feet firm and protect this old believe and ensure its passed on to the next generation.  Exactly the age long believe that what guarantees success and determines security in life is taking your formal education seriously and thriving on good grades only.   I know how contentious this buzz-line is bound to get. But in that awareness I will like you to share your thoughts. In all my concerns I have never been so disturbed to know why time and time again the wealthiest are not the most educated.

Without any bias, it’s primary to cite an ancient Japanese tenet on the power of the sword, the jewel and the mirror. It is also interesting to learn what these key objects meant to them; the sword represents the power of weapon – and America given to the number they’ve acquired exemplify a supreme military presence in the world. The jewel secondly for the Japanese symbolize money – an indication that money is one of the tools of influence. And the most treasured of the three; the mirror, is characterized as the power of self-knowledge. Based on that, I began to evaluate differently, which I must be swift to add that I am a strong advocate of having a quality education; however the question is to grasp fully the varying stance of playing it safe, from our entire educational journey and lastly landing that dream job with great benefits, to garnering the ultimate goal of being wealthy.

I will explain.  Over the years I have heard renowned career adviser assert that formal education earns you a living, whereas personal education earns you a fortune - So true. Visibly, we have spent our life getting around the game with safety measures. Such that we accept a certain paycheck fully aware that it would not settle all of the bills, or even if; cannot make up for a serious savings. Further, we go for a second job; working harder and yet can’t be able to meet up. You know how, you should most times review your income statement and balance sheet if you keep one. We seldom realize that any business we get about today, whether as the sole proprietor trying to lift it off the ground or as an employee far ahead on the corporate ladder, the truth is not far from both ends. “The underlying cause for regrets in our retirement age does simply mean not knowing the difference between an asset and a liability.” Robert Kiyosaki states. Not to talk of the more you earn the higher your tax. The rich are so aware of this that they always stay ahead.  

The obvious reality that we have found ourselves stock in this old pattern of planning the years coming with less satisfaction, and yet, annually we see turnovers of companies owned by-the-not-so educated but financially literate sum up in unbelievable figures , is what makes this subject arguable. Kiyosaki had discovered this truth from his childhood, since his quest was to become wealthy as opposed to his highly learned dad of average means. He saw that once we have the understanding of the power of money working for us, and also be financially smart, employers or the amount we earn can never push us around on the long run. I may be lacking the complete words to say how revealing this learning has been, but also quick to say it is critical to exhaust. Therefore, to acquirer financial intelligence the extent you want will spring up the level of entrepreneurial powers you have no idea you possess.                                                         

For me, it’s been an experience to have shared this one area that I still want to be a maestro in; a view that leaves me quizzing, How manage the wealthy generate a lot of financial muscles that can last for generations, with barely a sound educational background?

NB: I advise you see this subject handled extensively in the book “Rich Dad, poor dad” (Robert T. Kiyosaki)

Saturday, 28 January 2012

WHAT EXACTLY WENT WRONG By Donald Ekwegba

The year may have started on a bizarre track far and around us. But in this seemingly weird beginning, we are about to kill the first month for good, moving on to the next with a glaring conviction that it's going to be a roller coaster ride all the way. Anyway my focus here may appear quite random especially from my past issues of deliberation on this blog. In this piece I will be purring out on a situation that somewhat deserves no kid gloves to handle. Two of my soon-to-walk-down-the aisle friends had a misunderstanding, on the grounds that the man thinks that his fiancee has got an attitude that is a big turn-off for their future together. However recently, “Mr. always trying to fix it” as I refer to him after the incident, decides to confront the spouse-to-be in a say-it-before-is-too-late manner, that everyone is complaining that she has the most condescending attitude, which he is not ready take into their union. Worse as it is, the lady felt his judgment is a betrayal to what the both of them have shared in the past. So as all hell is being let loose, she feels that she can never trust a man that will always count on other people’s opinions to make a decision.

The very thought of it all only leaves me asking, why we ponder over someone’s attitude. Why they should do things in a certain manner. Swiftly we create our-standard mental picture of what there dispositions should be like at any giving time. Personally, I grab how right it is to let the people we love know their short-comings and face it head on.  One mistake we overlook often when these character evaluations are being spread across the board is the approach we convey how –more or less – other’s attitude problems bother us.  Then, we shove down their throat the bitter pills of our evaluation of them whether they accept it or not, and dam the repercussion of it on the outcome of things.

I find it in my opinion difficult again to assimilate, why? The actual rationale behind forgetting all the wonderful sides of what we must have shared in our general relationship, and stick to opinions that barely have nothing to do with anything. I am not one who condones misbehavior, but I choose to work around any character issues with first accepting people the way they are. Constantly reminding myself through the process, that everyone has got their lapses; the one they still need help to work on.                                                                                                                                                              Condescending attitude is superiority complex, which makes you feel you are better off than every other person. My concern here is that the battled relationship has spanned close to eight months, up to a settled wedding arrangement, and this never came up before. It’s only apparent that they had gone beyond individual flaws, ready to have a future together. And what remains a mystery to me is how little things can go off the handle to cancelling a wedding arrangement. Worse still is, we see people every passing day trying to fight their demons and become better human being. Yet, in the midst of these realizations we literally stand on our soap box and slam them. After all we can.                                                                                                                  I will at this juncture pass on the ball to you (Reader) and rest my already aching back on the matter for now. So, what do you advice?